You presented a bundle of little wildflowers which you had plucked for me along the way. Though I didn’t appreciate such gestures as a child, it was perhaps because I had since grown and become more wary of taking things for granted, and perhaps because the action itself was reminiscent of a simpler, fonder time, that my heart stirred at the sight of your wildflower bouquet.
In that moment, it was not my aging mother, but the little girl whose pictures hang along our walls who stood before me. Images of your childhood flickered across my mind. What were you like back then, running around in the vast fields of the Korean countryside? What were your dreams, aspirations? Did you have a crush on any of the boys in your village?
What would that girl think if she saw you now, in this life?
As I grow older, I relish the stories I once dismissed. Like how your younger brother was your favorite because he always made you laugh; how he used to gather up all the caterpillars in the field and chase you around, throwing a handful at you and creating your only phobia. How everyone teased you for being so simple and ordinary. How your family was the wealthiest in the village, hosting a grand feast every night.
How, conversely, 아빠’s family was dirt poor, sharing the same plain meal every night while huddling together in a tiny shack. How he was still happy every day despite everything.
There’s this drama called Twinkling Watermelon. In it, the main character travels back in time and befriends the younger versions of his mom and dad. Gets to see what they were like, how they fell in love. I often wish I could do the same.
You and 아빠 are just kids at heart, trying your best to play grown-up. As I meet older patients at work I realize how little we change inside despite the wrinkles that form with time.
Growing up seems to entail much more than material success. Although I’m eager to move out, I want to make the most of the time we have together in this season of our lives, giving back when I can so that you can feel like kids again, if even for a moment.
marginalia 